Those that have been around me know the last couple weeks have been really tough on me, tougher than most of you know. I've had a personal scare that shook me a whole lot more than I let it be known it did. One of those moments that makes you start to look at everything in a different light. I've lost a person that used to always have my back. I've pushed others away that try to have my back. I've been very reflective and have spent very few time with others instead opting for the gym and the solitude of home. I've been meaning to write a blog for days now but couldn't quite come to terms with what it is that I wanted to write about. I still can't. I'm sitting at home, on my balcony, watching the storm about to hit. I've experienced a lot of change over the last year and as I look forward to the coming days, weeks, months, years, I feel like I'm in the process of starting the next phase of my life. I'm looking forward to the people that will accompany this journey with me.
On that note, I am attempting to turn a new page in this chapter in my book of life. Those that know me, know i look at many things from a rational/analytic approach. This serves me well in some aspects of life but not in others. A couple days ago, a friend came to me with their concerns and all I did was marginalize and rationalize them. Last night the same thing occurred with another friend. I realized I had to change, I had to be more human and less robotic. It's tough because I've always fancied myself as someone that cares about people but I've always struggled to show people that I care. The great thing about a blog is that it allows me to get out my thoughts no matter how jumbled they are. I have to admit, this is probably my worst post. Typically I'll write a post because I have thoughts or topics that I want to share my views on. I apologize that this is not one of them.
I think I'm suffering from a severe lack of football in my life. I'm never like this in the fall.
Anyway, since I've strayed from the sports lately, check out my friends blog over at The Sports Travelers.
He's got some good stuff over there, I'll be joining him on his next trip so look for a dual post then. Also, I'm always looking for something to write about. Many things I care to speak on are so overblown in coverage (Miami Heat title, Aaron Hernandez, Trayvon Martin case). Free me from my writer's block!
- ODAAT. (One Day At A Time)
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Saturday, June 1, 2013
How Strong are your frienships? How Strong are your relationships?
Today I was thinking how much do the people in your life matter?
I've seen best friends become enemies, family stop speaking, over time people grow closer and people grow apart. How constant are these relationships that we are developing with each other? Go back 10 years, where are the people that you would have done anything for? How many is that still the case? How many could you not even pick up the phone and call today? How many would you have no contact with if it wasn't for facebook, twitter, or instagram? How many of them would do anything for you?
Think about it.
Now think about the people in your life right now that you feel you would do anything for, the people that you would literally die for. Now fast forward 10 years, will that still be the case? Now I know no one knows the future, but I do believe that we as people know how to lie to ourselves because it's easier than the truth. We hold on to friendships and relationships because we don't know what else to do, we don't see a future but we don't want to admit or accept it, but over time the truth of those friendships and relationships come out and are lost.
How strong are your friendships? How strong are your relationships?
Take a step down the rabbit hole with me. Fast forward 10 years. You are given two cards, each with a name on it. You are given a choice. Of those two names, one will have all their dreams come true, and the other will lose everything they have.
One is the name of someone that you are close to now, your "best friend", "girlfriend", or any number of those that you would do anything for; and the other name is your own. Would you give up everything so that the people you would do anything for, have everything?
How strong are your friendships? How strong are your relationships?
Now think of all the people that you say you would do it, you would give this person everything in their dreams and you would essentially, give up your life for them. Ask yourself this? What if they were presented with the same option? Would you be living your dreams thanks to them? or would they choose themselves? Does your opinion of what they would change your decision? Think about it. Is it selfish to expect those that you would give anything for to do the same? Or is it fair?
There are a number of people that I would truly give up everything if they could have everything and of those people I know there are a number that would not return the favor. Does it change anything? Hard to say, part of me feels challenged to have the kind of impact on their lives that they would give up everything for me. Part of me feels that maybe those are the people that in 10 years, I won't be able to pick up and call. But the biggest part of me feels ok with it. I can accept that not everyone is built like me, self preservation is a powerful tool. There are people from 2003 that I would've given everything for that today, I simply wouldn't. However, I am proud to say that the list of people I would give everything for is a lot larger now than it was then. I truly believe the relationships that I have built with the people closest to me are lifetime relationships; even if those relationships change over time.
If you're unsure if you're one of those people in my life, that means I know how you would answer the question asked above. And I'm ok with it. Call me, I'll tell you if you're on of those people for me and that I don't want you to give up anything for me. I want you to give up everything, and I mean everything....................................
for yourself.
If you're willing to bet it all on you, than I am too; that's why I say without a doubt that I would give up everything for those closest to me.
How strong are your friendships? How strong are your relationships?
I've seen best friends become enemies, family stop speaking, over time people grow closer and people grow apart. How constant are these relationships that we are developing with each other? Go back 10 years, where are the people that you would have done anything for? How many is that still the case? How many could you not even pick up the phone and call today? How many would you have no contact with if it wasn't for facebook, twitter, or instagram? How many of them would do anything for you?
Think about it.
Now think about the people in your life right now that you feel you would do anything for, the people that you would literally die for. Now fast forward 10 years, will that still be the case? Now I know no one knows the future, but I do believe that we as people know how to lie to ourselves because it's easier than the truth. We hold on to friendships and relationships because we don't know what else to do, we don't see a future but we don't want to admit or accept it, but over time the truth of those friendships and relationships come out and are lost.
How strong are your friendships? How strong are your relationships?
Take a step down the rabbit hole with me. Fast forward 10 years. You are given two cards, each with a name on it. You are given a choice. Of those two names, one will have all their dreams come true, and the other will lose everything they have.
One is the name of someone that you are close to now, your "best friend", "girlfriend", or any number of those that you would do anything for; and the other name is your own. Would you give up everything so that the people you would do anything for, have everything?
How strong are your friendships? How strong are your relationships?
Now think of all the people that you say you would do it, you would give this person everything in their dreams and you would essentially, give up your life for them. Ask yourself this? What if they were presented with the same option? Would you be living your dreams thanks to them? or would they choose themselves? Does your opinion of what they would change your decision? Think about it. Is it selfish to expect those that you would give anything for to do the same? Or is it fair?
There are a number of people that I would truly give up everything if they could have everything and of those people I know there are a number that would not return the favor. Does it change anything? Hard to say, part of me feels challenged to have the kind of impact on their lives that they would give up everything for me. Part of me feels that maybe those are the people that in 10 years, I won't be able to pick up and call. But the biggest part of me feels ok with it. I can accept that not everyone is built like me, self preservation is a powerful tool. There are people from 2003 that I would've given everything for that today, I simply wouldn't. However, I am proud to say that the list of people I would give everything for is a lot larger now than it was then. I truly believe the relationships that I have built with the people closest to me are lifetime relationships; even if those relationships change over time.
If you're unsure if you're one of those people in my life, that means I know how you would answer the question asked above. And I'm ok with it. Call me, I'll tell you if you're on of those people for me and that I don't want you to give up anything for me. I want you to give up everything, and I mean everything....................................
for yourself.
If you're willing to bet it all on you, than I am too; that's why I say without a doubt that I would give up everything for those closest to me.
How strong are your friendships? How strong are your relationships?
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Good Guy Bad Guy
For the second time in two days someone told me I was a good guy and my response was "I wish I wasn't".
The problem with being a good guy is that when people think you're one, you're expected to always be one. You're expected to act a certain way and respond a certain way and if there is ever a time that you don't act as expected, you shatter the image of a good guy. Once that image is shattered, good luck ever getting it back. Now, I don't mind much how you view me, but I do mind what your expectation of me is. And in that is my problem with being a good guy. Like I mentioned in my previous blog, I am a lot of thing, some good some bad, but it's the labels of these things that lies the problem. The labels add in the expectation, and in those expectations are the disappointments, the devastation, the bad surprises, the let downs, etc. It is those reactions once someone breaches their inherent label that ruins everything.
A good guy is not going to be good all the time and a bad guy is not going to be bad all the time. More often than not, I'm probably a pretty good guy, but like anyone else I'm human and the bad guy is going to come out. I wish I wasn't the good guy because then it would be ok to be the bad guy occasionally. It's not that I even want to be the bad guy, I want just want it to be OK to be the bad guy. I don't put things past anyone and because of that I don't get surprised or blind-sided by people doing or acting in a way that is not "typical". The honest person is going to lie, the liar is going to be honest. The labels we place on each other is us putting an unfair expectation on that person. Once gained that label, that is who they are to us and we treat them accordingly and anything out of our label takes us by surprise. Now sometimes, this can have a positive effect but I believe more often than not it leads to the negative.
I had a problem with this. I would put people into different boxes. This is the good girl, the heartless guy/girl, the reliable or unreliable people, the always late person, the person that cares too much about their looks, the person that doesn't care enough. the person that needs attention, the person that is anti-social. I'm as guilty of anyone for labeling someone and expecting them to conform to MY label. NO MORE. Why do we expect people to fit into OUR ideas of them?
Expect Nothing.
Accept what you choose.
- The Bad Good Guy/ Good Bad Guy
The problem with being a good guy is that when people think you're one, you're expected to always be one. You're expected to act a certain way and respond a certain way and if there is ever a time that you don't act as expected, you shatter the image of a good guy. Once that image is shattered, good luck ever getting it back. Now, I don't mind much how you view me, but I do mind what your expectation of me is. And in that is my problem with being a good guy. Like I mentioned in my previous blog, I am a lot of thing, some good some bad, but it's the labels of these things that lies the problem. The labels add in the expectation, and in those expectations are the disappointments, the devastation, the bad surprises, the let downs, etc. It is those reactions once someone breaches their inherent label that ruins everything.
A good guy is not going to be good all the time and a bad guy is not going to be bad all the time. More often than not, I'm probably a pretty good guy, but like anyone else I'm human and the bad guy is going to come out. I wish I wasn't the good guy because then it would be ok to be the bad guy occasionally. It's not that I even want to be the bad guy, I want just want it to be OK to be the bad guy. I don't put things past anyone and because of that I don't get surprised or blind-sided by people doing or acting in a way that is not "typical". The honest person is going to lie, the liar is going to be honest. The labels we place on each other is us putting an unfair expectation on that person. Once gained that label, that is who they are to us and we treat them accordingly and anything out of our label takes us by surprise. Now sometimes, this can have a positive effect but I believe more often than not it leads to the negative.
I had a problem with this. I would put people into different boxes. This is the good girl, the heartless guy/girl, the reliable or unreliable people, the always late person, the person that cares too much about their looks, the person that doesn't care enough. the person that needs attention, the person that is anti-social. I'm as guilty of anyone for labeling someone and expecting them to conform to MY label. NO MORE. Why do we expect people to fit into OUR ideas of them?
Expect Nothing.
Accept what you choose.
- The Bad Good Guy/ Good Bad Guy
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
10 years of "adulthood": Who Am I?
I write a lot of blogs about sports, this isn't going to be one of them...
I've done a lot of reflecting this year, a lot of quiet time to myself trying to figure out what it is that makes me who I am, what it is to make me happy. What I've learned after all that time is this:
Some people think I'm an asshole, others say I'm one of the nicest people they know. To some I'm private, to others I'm outgoing. I'm angry and happy all the time, I'm organized, focused, yet have no plan. I'm loving and affectionate and heartless. I never lie and I lie all the time. The reality is I am none of those and I am all of those.
I am a human being. I believe at my core that all people are innately good. This leads me to always see and look for the best in anyone and everyone and to forgive those that have wronged me without the need for an apology. Why? Because I study people, I put myself in their shoes, their lives, their situations and I ask myself : Who am I to judge their actions and motives? If I had a dollar for every mistake or wrong thing I've done I'd be a billionaire and you know what, so would everyone else. What does that tell you? We are all flawed and will continue to make mistakes. There is apart of me that actually loves flawed people. I love people that are not afraid to mess up. I love people that are scarred. I love people that are broken. Those people are just like me. I genuinely believe in a judgement free zone and some that know me know that they can tell me anything and get an honest and truthful answer with no judgement.
I look back at my ten years of "adulthood" and realize that my generation is so far behind where our parents were in terms of maturity. I look at an 18 year old me and I cringe at the thing I've said, done, and will do. I look at myself in the mirror now and I do the same. I look at the people I love and those that love me and I wonder which me do they love? I rarely let people see me as I fear the complexities that I bring will scare them away, yet I yearn to learn more about them. Does that make me more selfish or more scared?
I am fearful of my emotions and fearless in my actions. I will risk anything for those I love and risk much for those I don't even know. I will do anything you need and nothing you want. Do you know what 28 years of evolving have taught me?
The evolution is getting started, I wonder how 38 year old me will view 28 year old me. Hopefully, only time will tell.
I've done a lot of reflecting this year, a lot of quiet time to myself trying to figure out what it is that makes me who I am, what it is to make me happy. What I've learned after all that time is this:
Some people think I'm an asshole, others say I'm one of the nicest people they know. To some I'm private, to others I'm outgoing. I'm angry and happy all the time, I'm organized, focused, yet have no plan. I'm loving and affectionate and heartless. I never lie and I lie all the time. The reality is I am none of those and I am all of those.
I am a human being. I believe at my core that all people are innately good. This leads me to always see and look for the best in anyone and everyone and to forgive those that have wronged me without the need for an apology. Why? Because I study people, I put myself in their shoes, their lives, their situations and I ask myself : Who am I to judge their actions and motives? If I had a dollar for every mistake or wrong thing I've done I'd be a billionaire and you know what, so would everyone else. What does that tell you? We are all flawed and will continue to make mistakes. There is apart of me that actually loves flawed people. I love people that are not afraid to mess up. I love people that are scarred. I love people that are broken. Those people are just like me. I genuinely believe in a judgement free zone and some that know me know that they can tell me anything and get an honest and truthful answer with no judgement.
I look back at my ten years of "adulthood" and realize that my generation is so far behind where our parents were in terms of maturity. I look at an 18 year old me and I cringe at the thing I've said, done, and will do. I look at myself in the mirror now and I do the same. I look at the people I love and those that love me and I wonder which me do they love? I rarely let people see me as I fear the complexities that I bring will scare them away, yet I yearn to learn more about them. Does that make me more selfish or more scared?
I am fearful of my emotions and fearless in my actions. I will risk anything for those I love and risk much for those I don't even know. I will do anything you need and nothing you want. Do you know what 28 years of evolving have taught me?
The evolution is getting started, I wonder how 38 year old me will view 28 year old me. Hopefully, only time will tell.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Winning: My Drug of Choice
Being a champion is one of the greatest feelings someone can have. It doesn't matter if it's a YMCA league or a Superbowl. I've competed in a lot of sports throughout my life: football, basketball, track, cross country, flag football.
I remember my first championship like it was yesterday. It was a hot July day in Richmond, VA and I was running in the AAU state track & field championships, I was 10 years old. I wasn't the best, my teammate beat me in every race we ran that season except for that one. 2-mile race in what had to be at least 100 degrees. Somehow I pulled the win out and had my first championship. Since then I've won 2 flag football league championships and that's it. Not the largest of championships, never a high school state championship and I was never good enough to compete at a higher level. However, the euphoria I felt then as a 10 year old was unparalleled. It's such a high, it takes you to another place and makes you feel like you can do anything.
Winning, is like a drug. My drug of choice.
Once you taste it, nothing can ever replace it. And there inherently lies the problem with competition, with winning. It's the reason college coaches work 20 hour days for 11 months out of the year. It's the reason why men and women argue, winning an argument is more important than winning with the relationship. It's the reason why I'm pushing 30 and still play flag football and video games.
Sometimes I wonder if winning means different things to men and women. When you watch TV and you see this athletes and they say the cliche "Winning is Everything". If you've ever won, you understand that it is not a cliche. All of the practice, the preparation, the pain. Putting yourself through physical and mental hell, just to be a half step quicker, a half second faster, jump an inch higher, tire slower. The extra practice that allows you to know the playbook in your sleep, not only knowing what you should be doing but where every single one of your teammates will be doing as well.
Now, I've learned to have fun when playing and to tone down my competitiveness but let's be honest. It's all a facade. I don't care if it's monopoly, I'm in it to win.
Winning: My Drug of Choice
I remember my first championship like it was yesterday. It was a hot July day in Richmond, VA and I was running in the AAU state track & field championships, I was 10 years old. I wasn't the best, my teammate beat me in every race we ran that season except for that one. 2-mile race in what had to be at least 100 degrees. Somehow I pulled the win out and had my first championship. Since then I've won 2 flag football league championships and that's it. Not the largest of championships, never a high school state championship and I was never good enough to compete at a higher level. However, the euphoria I felt then as a 10 year old was unparalleled. It's such a high, it takes you to another place and makes you feel like you can do anything.
Winning, is like a drug. My drug of choice.
Once you taste it, nothing can ever replace it. And there inherently lies the problem with competition, with winning. It's the reason college coaches work 20 hour days for 11 months out of the year. It's the reason why men and women argue, winning an argument is more important than winning with the relationship. It's the reason why I'm pushing 30 and still play flag football and video games.
Sometimes I wonder if winning means different things to men and women. When you watch TV and you see this athletes and they say the cliche "Winning is Everything". If you've ever won, you understand that it is not a cliche. All of the practice, the preparation, the pain. Putting yourself through physical and mental hell, just to be a half step quicker, a half second faster, jump an inch higher, tire slower. The extra practice that allows you to know the playbook in your sleep, not only knowing what you should be doing but where every single one of your teammates will be doing as well.
Now, I've learned to have fun when playing and to tone down my competitiveness but let's be honest. It's all a facade. I don't care if it's monopoly, I'm in it to win.
Winning: My Drug of Choice
Saturday, February 2, 2013
PED's in Sports: Is Anyone Clean?
MLB: Mark McGuire. Sammy Sosa. Barry Bonds. Roger Clemens. Alex Rodriquez. The best of MLB or cheaters?
Cycling: Lance Armstrong. Greatest cyclist ever or greatest liar ever?
NFL: Shawne Merriman. Brian Cushing. Aqib Talib. Brandon Browner. Richard Sherman. Joe Haden. up and coming stars or up and coming cheaters?
NBA: ..................
If Everyone Cheats? Is It Cheating?
Steriods has brought everyone that achieves an amazing statistical feat into question.
Usain Bolt: Solid 200 yard runner turned unstoppable 100/200 runner.
Adrian Peterson: Torn ACL/MCL, nearly breaks NFL rushing record a year later.
Ray Lewis: Torn triceps 16 yrs into NFL turns in super bowl appearance 2 months later?
Let's face reality here. If your favorite athlete does something astonishing, he probably had help. It's 2013, open your eyes. We are seeing bigger, stronger, faster athletes every year. You think it's the food? Remember when 7 footers were slow, prodding big men. Look at them now, DeAndre Jordan, Dwight Howard, Blake Griffin. I could go on, we have never seen athletic big men like this before.
On that subject, does anyone else think it is odd that not a single NBA player has ever test postived for performance enhancing drugs? Seriously?
I assume everyone is cheating, when I hear about Lance Armstrong or A-Rod, i don't stop to think about it. It does not affect my opinion of them at all, I am completely de-sensitized to drugs in sports. There is no savior in sports, only people that have not been caught...yet.
LeBron James.
Think he's clean?
I'm Back!!!
Cycling: Lance Armstrong. Greatest cyclist ever or greatest liar ever?
NFL: Shawne Merriman. Brian Cushing. Aqib Talib. Brandon Browner. Richard Sherman. Joe Haden. up and coming stars or up and coming cheaters?
NBA: ..................
If Everyone Cheats? Is It Cheating?
Steriods has brought everyone that achieves an amazing statistical feat into question.
Usain Bolt: Solid 200 yard runner turned unstoppable 100/200 runner.
Adrian Peterson: Torn ACL/MCL, nearly breaks NFL rushing record a year later.
Ray Lewis: Torn triceps 16 yrs into NFL turns in super bowl appearance 2 months later?
Let's face reality here. If your favorite athlete does something astonishing, he probably had help. It's 2013, open your eyes. We are seeing bigger, stronger, faster athletes every year. You think it's the food? Remember when 7 footers were slow, prodding big men. Look at them now, DeAndre Jordan, Dwight Howard, Blake Griffin. I could go on, we have never seen athletic big men like this before.
On that subject, does anyone else think it is odd that not a single NBA player has ever test postived for performance enhancing drugs? Seriously?
I assume everyone is cheating, when I hear about Lance Armstrong or A-Rod, i don't stop to think about it. It does not affect my opinion of them at all, I am completely de-sensitized to drugs in sports. There is no savior in sports, only people that have not been caught...yet.
LeBron James.
Think he's clean?
I'm Back!!!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Fall: The Return of Man
Today is the day I have been waiting over 7 months for, the Kick-Off of the 2012 NFL Season. Leaving us are the days of summer, pointless baseball games, family vacations. The kids are back in school (if you have any), baseball playoffs are knocking on the door, and fall is here. I always tell my girlfriend that spring and summer are her times of year, I have no plans (besides NFL draft night and NBA playoffs), so we do all the things she wants to do from april-august. That's a long, long 5 months. To make things worse, my 2 month withdrawal period that is march madness was underwhelming this year. Finally, the NFL has come back to me.
This next paragraph is delegated to the ladies that read my blog. Men play fantasy football, we don't expect you to understand it, just humor us in our discussions on topics such as: Why do I continue to draft Ryan Matthews when all he does is burn me? I need Player X to score 2 TD's, but I don't want them to beat my team. I don't care if the Patriots are 13-2 and already clinched home field, I need Brady to play week 17, it's the championship in my fantasy league!
Yes ladies, these are real thoughts men have surrounding fantasy football, don't judge us.
Back to the NFL.
I truly believe this is going to be a great NFL season. There's so many storylines, Peyton Manning's return, the craziness that is Tebow and the Jets, will the Texans take the jump, are the Eagles worth the hype, how good are the Giants, 5 rookie QB's starting. Amazing. Even better, those blessed with the NFL network will not only be able to watch games on Sunday and Monday, but Thursday night as well EVERY week. It's a good thing I dedicated the majority of the last 5 months to my girlfriend because I'll only be available to her Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday (Saturday is dedicated to college football and setting my fantasy football line up).
My NFL Predicitions:
AFC East - Patriots
AFC North - Ravens
AFC South - Texans
AFC West - Chiefs
Wildcard - Bengals
Wildcard - Broncos
NFC East - Eagles
NFC North - Packers
NFC South - Falcons
NFC West - 49ers
Wildcard - Bears
Wildcard - Cowboys (fanboy pick?)
That's all I'm going with. It's been awhile since I've posted (like 5 months), but now Man Season is back, so you can expect a lot from me until I go back into hibernation in April.
Long, Live, Sports
This next paragraph is delegated to the ladies that read my blog. Men play fantasy football, we don't expect you to understand it, just humor us in our discussions on topics such as: Why do I continue to draft Ryan Matthews when all he does is burn me? I need Player X to score 2 TD's, but I don't want them to beat my team. I don't care if the Patriots are 13-2 and already clinched home field, I need Brady to play week 17, it's the championship in my fantasy league!
Yes ladies, these are real thoughts men have surrounding fantasy football, don't judge us.
Back to the NFL.
I truly believe this is going to be a great NFL season. There's so many storylines, Peyton Manning's return, the craziness that is Tebow and the Jets, will the Texans take the jump, are the Eagles worth the hype, how good are the Giants, 5 rookie QB's starting. Amazing. Even better, those blessed with the NFL network will not only be able to watch games on Sunday and Monday, but Thursday night as well EVERY week. It's a good thing I dedicated the majority of the last 5 months to my girlfriend because I'll only be available to her Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday (Saturday is dedicated to college football and setting my fantasy football line up).
My NFL Predicitions:
AFC East - Patriots
AFC North - Ravens
AFC South - Texans
AFC West - Chiefs
Wildcard - Bengals
Wildcard - Broncos
NFC East - Eagles
NFC North - Packers
NFC South - Falcons
NFC West - 49ers
Wildcard - Bears
Wildcard - Cowboys (fanboy pick?)
That's all I'm going with. It's been awhile since I've posted (like 5 months), but now Man Season is back, so you can expect a lot from me until I go back into hibernation in April.
Long, Live, Sports
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