Into the Darkness. Into the Light.

This has been the roughest summer of my life. I've made numerous changes in my life, many of which I would characterize as one step back and two steps forward.  The problem is when you make a lot of those changes at once, that's a lot of steps backwards.  I've experienced financial trouble, I've had my car break down on me. I've had to experience a frantic phone call from my older sister telling me my mother was in the ER.  I've pushed away people close to me.  I've been frustrated with my jobs (both of them) and made a decision to leave one despite the fact the extra income definitely helps.  The crazy thing?

Summer isn't over yet.

The Best Thing?

I'm smiling through it all.

For so long I have allowed outside factors to determine my happiness, to dictate my stress, to control my life.  I used to say and tell people all the time "control what you can control".  I used to think I believed that, but reality is I never did.  I used the statement to keep others around me calm, but never applied it to myself.  Now? I can't NOT believe it.  It's such a simple statement but carries so much weight.  Things happen in life, you can only control so much.  One thing you can always control: How you react to adversity around you.  Through it all I feel excited for each new day. I have an energy and resolve that will not die.  I have met some amazing people through this journey. Some people for meer moments; others, to be determined.  But even those people that have appeared for moments have left a positive impact on my life and I hope I did the same. The power of people is amazing if you allow it to be.

The saying goes that the sky is darkest before the light and people use that as a saying that things are at their worst before good things come.  This is another thing I used to believe.  Now, I look at it slightly different.  Expecting the light behind the dark is a double edge sword.  On one hand, it's motivational, it provides hope that one is not going through bad times for no reason and that their faith or belief will pay off for them.  On the other hand, what happens when the light doesn't come? or when it takes longer than you hoped?  Does that make the darkness, darker?  or merely make the light, brighter?  The problem with the light after the dark is that we expect it.  We expect that because we are innately good, that the only reason we are going through bad times is so that we appreciate the good.  We make statements like "out of the darkness, into the light". I prefer  to think of it as in dark times, darker times, and even the darkest times, the light is still there; you just have to find it.  It's there, you just have to prepare yourself for it. 

Think back when you were a kid and you when you were going to bed.  When your parents turned off the lights, everything seemed so dark.  But what happens? You adjust to the darkness, next thing you know you can see around your room farely well, look more and you will be able to see in the dark almost as well as you can see in the light.  It's funny, as kids, we had it figured out. Probably why as kids, we never had the stress or adversity we have as adults.  We adjusted to the dark and we found our own light.

Into the Darkess. Into the Light.