I write a lot of blogs about sports, this isn't going to be one of them...
I've done a lot of reflecting this year, a lot of quiet time to myself trying to figure out what it is that makes me who I am, what it is to make me happy. What I've learned after all that time is this:
Some people think I'm an asshole, others say I'm one of the nicest people they know. To some I'm private, to others I'm outgoing. I'm angry and happy all the time, I'm organized, focused, yet have no plan. I'm loving and affectionate and heartless. I never lie and I lie all the time. The reality is I am none of those and I am all of those.
I am a human being. I believe at my core that all people are innately good. This leads me to always see and look for the best in anyone and everyone and to forgive those that have wronged me without the need for an apology. Why? Because I study people, I put myself in their shoes, their lives, their situations and I ask myself : Who am I to judge their actions and motives? If I had a dollar for every mistake or wrong thing I've done I'd be a billionaire and you know what, so would everyone else. What does that tell you? We are all flawed and will continue to make mistakes. There is apart of me that actually loves flawed people. I love people that are not afraid to mess up. I love people that are scarred. I love people that are broken. Those people are just like me. I genuinely believe in a judgement free zone and some that know me know that they can tell me anything and get an honest and truthful answer with no judgement.
I look back at my ten years of "adulthood" and realize that my generation is so far behind where our parents were in terms of maturity. I look at an 18 year old me and I cringe at the thing I've said, done, and will do. I look at myself in the mirror now and I do the same. I look at the people I love and those that love me and I wonder which me do they love? I rarely let people see me as I fear the complexities that I bring will scare them away, yet I yearn to learn more about them. Does that make me more selfish or more scared?
I am fearful of my emotions and fearless in my actions. I will risk anything for those I love and risk much for those I don't even know. I will do anything you need and nothing you want. Do you know what 28 years of evolving have taught me?
The evolution is getting started, I wonder how 38 year old me will view 28 year old me. Hopefully, only time will tell.
