For the second time in two days someone told me I was a good guy and my response was "I wish I wasn't".
The problem with being a good guy is that when people think you're one, you're expected to always be one. You're expected to act a certain way and respond a certain way and if there is ever a time that you don't act as expected, you shatter the image of a good guy. Once that image is shattered, good luck ever getting it back. Now, I don't mind much how you view me, but I do mind what your expectation of me is. And in that is my problem with being a good guy. Like I mentioned in my previous blog, I am a lot of thing, some good some bad, but it's the labels of these things that lies the problem. The labels add in the expectation, and in those expectations are the disappointments, the devastation, the bad surprises, the let downs, etc. It is those reactions once someone breaches their inherent label that ruins everything.
A good guy is not going to be good all the time and a bad guy is not going to be bad all the time. More often than not, I'm probably a pretty good guy, but like anyone else I'm human and the bad guy is going to come out. I wish I wasn't the good guy because then it would be ok to be the bad guy occasionally. It's not that I even want to be the bad guy, I want just want it to be OK to be the bad guy. I don't put things past anyone and because of that I don't get surprised or blind-sided by people doing or acting in a way that is not "typical". The honest person is going to lie, the liar is going to be honest. The labels we place on each other is us putting an unfair expectation on that person. Once gained that label, that is who they are to us and we treat them accordingly and anything out of our label takes us by surprise. Now sometimes, this can have a positive effect but I believe more often than not it leads to the negative.
I had a problem with this. I would put people into different boxes. This is the good girl, the heartless guy/girl, the reliable or unreliable people, the always late person, the person that cares too much about their looks, the person that doesn't care enough. the person that needs attention, the person that is anti-social. I'm as guilty of anyone for labeling someone and expecting them to conform to MY label. NO MORE. Why do we expect people to fit into OUR ideas of them?
Expect Nothing.
Accept what you choose.
- The Bad Good Guy/ Good Bad Guy
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
10 years of "adulthood": Who Am I?
I write a lot of blogs about sports, this isn't going to be one of them...
I've done a lot of reflecting this year, a lot of quiet time to myself trying to figure out what it is that makes me who I am, what it is to make me happy. What I've learned after all that time is this:
Some people think I'm an asshole, others say I'm one of the nicest people they know. To some I'm private, to others I'm outgoing. I'm angry and happy all the time, I'm organized, focused, yet have no plan. I'm loving and affectionate and heartless. I never lie and I lie all the time. The reality is I am none of those and I am all of those.
I am a human being. I believe at my core that all people are innately good. This leads me to always see and look for the best in anyone and everyone and to forgive those that have wronged me without the need for an apology. Why? Because I study people, I put myself in their shoes, their lives, their situations and I ask myself : Who am I to judge their actions and motives? If I had a dollar for every mistake or wrong thing I've done I'd be a billionaire and you know what, so would everyone else. What does that tell you? We are all flawed and will continue to make mistakes. There is apart of me that actually loves flawed people. I love people that are not afraid to mess up. I love people that are scarred. I love people that are broken. Those people are just like me. I genuinely believe in a judgement free zone and some that know me know that they can tell me anything and get an honest and truthful answer with no judgement.
I look back at my ten years of "adulthood" and realize that my generation is so far behind where our parents were in terms of maturity. I look at an 18 year old me and I cringe at the thing I've said, done, and will do. I look at myself in the mirror now and I do the same. I look at the people I love and those that love me and I wonder which me do they love? I rarely let people see me as I fear the complexities that I bring will scare them away, yet I yearn to learn more about them. Does that make me more selfish or more scared?
I am fearful of my emotions and fearless in my actions. I will risk anything for those I love and risk much for those I don't even know. I will do anything you need and nothing you want. Do you know what 28 years of evolving have taught me?
The evolution is getting started, I wonder how 38 year old me will view 28 year old me. Hopefully, only time will tell.
I've done a lot of reflecting this year, a lot of quiet time to myself trying to figure out what it is that makes me who I am, what it is to make me happy. What I've learned after all that time is this:
Some people think I'm an asshole, others say I'm one of the nicest people they know. To some I'm private, to others I'm outgoing. I'm angry and happy all the time, I'm organized, focused, yet have no plan. I'm loving and affectionate and heartless. I never lie and I lie all the time. The reality is I am none of those and I am all of those.
I am a human being. I believe at my core that all people are innately good. This leads me to always see and look for the best in anyone and everyone and to forgive those that have wronged me without the need for an apology. Why? Because I study people, I put myself in their shoes, their lives, their situations and I ask myself : Who am I to judge their actions and motives? If I had a dollar for every mistake or wrong thing I've done I'd be a billionaire and you know what, so would everyone else. What does that tell you? We are all flawed and will continue to make mistakes. There is apart of me that actually loves flawed people. I love people that are not afraid to mess up. I love people that are scarred. I love people that are broken. Those people are just like me. I genuinely believe in a judgement free zone and some that know me know that they can tell me anything and get an honest and truthful answer with no judgement.
I look back at my ten years of "adulthood" and realize that my generation is so far behind where our parents were in terms of maturity. I look at an 18 year old me and I cringe at the thing I've said, done, and will do. I look at myself in the mirror now and I do the same. I look at the people I love and those that love me and I wonder which me do they love? I rarely let people see me as I fear the complexities that I bring will scare them away, yet I yearn to learn more about them. Does that make me more selfish or more scared?
I am fearful of my emotions and fearless in my actions. I will risk anything for those I love and risk much for those I don't even know. I will do anything you need and nothing you want. Do you know what 28 years of evolving have taught me?
The evolution is getting started, I wonder how 38 year old me will view 28 year old me. Hopefully, only time will tell.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Winning: My Drug of Choice
Being a champion is one of the greatest feelings someone can have. It doesn't matter if it's a YMCA league or a Superbowl. I've competed in a lot of sports throughout my life: football, basketball, track, cross country, flag football.
I remember my first championship like it was yesterday. It was a hot July day in Richmond, VA and I was running in the AAU state track & field championships, I was 10 years old. I wasn't the best, my teammate beat me in every race we ran that season except for that one. 2-mile race in what had to be at least 100 degrees. Somehow I pulled the win out and had my first championship. Since then I've won 2 flag football league championships and that's it. Not the largest of championships, never a high school state championship and I was never good enough to compete at a higher level. However, the euphoria I felt then as a 10 year old was unparalleled. It's such a high, it takes you to another place and makes you feel like you can do anything.
Winning, is like a drug. My drug of choice.
Once you taste it, nothing can ever replace it. And there inherently lies the problem with competition, with winning. It's the reason college coaches work 20 hour days for 11 months out of the year. It's the reason why men and women argue, winning an argument is more important than winning with the relationship. It's the reason why I'm pushing 30 and still play flag football and video games.
Sometimes I wonder if winning means different things to men and women. When you watch TV and you see this athletes and they say the cliche "Winning is Everything". If you've ever won, you understand that it is not a cliche. All of the practice, the preparation, the pain. Putting yourself through physical and mental hell, just to be a half step quicker, a half second faster, jump an inch higher, tire slower. The extra practice that allows you to know the playbook in your sleep, not only knowing what you should be doing but where every single one of your teammates will be doing as well.
Now, I've learned to have fun when playing and to tone down my competitiveness but let's be honest. It's all a facade. I don't care if it's monopoly, I'm in it to win.
Winning: My Drug of Choice
I remember my first championship like it was yesterday. It was a hot July day in Richmond, VA and I was running in the AAU state track & field championships, I was 10 years old. I wasn't the best, my teammate beat me in every race we ran that season except for that one. 2-mile race in what had to be at least 100 degrees. Somehow I pulled the win out and had my first championship. Since then I've won 2 flag football league championships and that's it. Not the largest of championships, never a high school state championship and I was never good enough to compete at a higher level. However, the euphoria I felt then as a 10 year old was unparalleled. It's such a high, it takes you to another place and makes you feel like you can do anything.
Winning, is like a drug. My drug of choice.
Once you taste it, nothing can ever replace it. And there inherently lies the problem with competition, with winning. It's the reason college coaches work 20 hour days for 11 months out of the year. It's the reason why men and women argue, winning an argument is more important than winning with the relationship. It's the reason why I'm pushing 30 and still play flag football and video games.
Sometimes I wonder if winning means different things to men and women. When you watch TV and you see this athletes and they say the cliche "Winning is Everything". If you've ever won, you understand that it is not a cliche. All of the practice, the preparation, the pain. Putting yourself through physical and mental hell, just to be a half step quicker, a half second faster, jump an inch higher, tire slower. The extra practice that allows you to know the playbook in your sleep, not only knowing what you should be doing but where every single one of your teammates will be doing as well.
Now, I've learned to have fun when playing and to tone down my competitiveness but let's be honest. It's all a facade. I don't care if it's monopoly, I'm in it to win.
Winning: My Drug of Choice
Saturday, February 2, 2013
PED's in Sports: Is Anyone Clean?
MLB: Mark McGuire. Sammy Sosa. Barry Bonds. Roger Clemens. Alex Rodriquez. The best of MLB or cheaters?
Cycling: Lance Armstrong. Greatest cyclist ever or greatest liar ever?
NFL: Shawne Merriman. Brian Cushing. Aqib Talib. Brandon Browner. Richard Sherman. Joe Haden. up and coming stars or up and coming cheaters?
NBA: ..................
If Everyone Cheats? Is It Cheating?
Steriods has brought everyone that achieves an amazing statistical feat into question.
Usain Bolt: Solid 200 yard runner turned unstoppable 100/200 runner.
Adrian Peterson: Torn ACL/MCL, nearly breaks NFL rushing record a year later.
Ray Lewis: Torn triceps 16 yrs into NFL turns in super bowl appearance 2 months later?
Let's face reality here. If your favorite athlete does something astonishing, he probably had help. It's 2013, open your eyes. We are seeing bigger, stronger, faster athletes every year. You think it's the food? Remember when 7 footers were slow, prodding big men. Look at them now, DeAndre Jordan, Dwight Howard, Blake Griffin. I could go on, we have never seen athletic big men like this before.
On that subject, does anyone else think it is odd that not a single NBA player has ever test postived for performance enhancing drugs? Seriously?
I assume everyone is cheating, when I hear about Lance Armstrong or A-Rod, i don't stop to think about it. It does not affect my opinion of them at all, I am completely de-sensitized to drugs in sports. There is no savior in sports, only people that have not been caught...yet.
LeBron James.
Think he's clean?
I'm Back!!!
Cycling: Lance Armstrong. Greatest cyclist ever or greatest liar ever?
NFL: Shawne Merriman. Brian Cushing. Aqib Talib. Brandon Browner. Richard Sherman. Joe Haden. up and coming stars or up and coming cheaters?
NBA: ..................
If Everyone Cheats? Is It Cheating?
Steriods has brought everyone that achieves an amazing statistical feat into question.
Usain Bolt: Solid 200 yard runner turned unstoppable 100/200 runner.
Adrian Peterson: Torn ACL/MCL, nearly breaks NFL rushing record a year later.
Ray Lewis: Torn triceps 16 yrs into NFL turns in super bowl appearance 2 months later?
Let's face reality here. If your favorite athlete does something astonishing, he probably had help. It's 2013, open your eyes. We are seeing bigger, stronger, faster athletes every year. You think it's the food? Remember when 7 footers were slow, prodding big men. Look at them now, DeAndre Jordan, Dwight Howard, Blake Griffin. I could go on, we have never seen athletic big men like this before.
On that subject, does anyone else think it is odd that not a single NBA player has ever test postived for performance enhancing drugs? Seriously?
I assume everyone is cheating, when I hear about Lance Armstrong or A-Rod, i don't stop to think about it. It does not affect my opinion of them at all, I am completely de-sensitized to drugs in sports. There is no savior in sports, only people that have not been caught...yet.
LeBron James.
Think he's clean?
I'm Back!!!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Fall: The Return of Man
Today is the day I have been waiting over 7 months for, the Kick-Off of the 2012 NFL Season. Leaving us are the days of summer, pointless baseball games, family vacations. The kids are back in school (if you have any), baseball playoffs are knocking on the door, and fall is here. I always tell my girlfriend that spring and summer are her times of year, I have no plans (besides NFL draft night and NBA playoffs), so we do all the things she wants to do from april-august. That's a long, long 5 months. To make things worse, my 2 month withdrawal period that is march madness was underwhelming this year. Finally, the NFL has come back to me.
This next paragraph is delegated to the ladies that read my blog. Men play fantasy football, we don't expect you to understand it, just humor us in our discussions on topics such as: Why do I continue to draft Ryan Matthews when all he does is burn me? I need Player X to score 2 TD's, but I don't want them to beat my team. I don't care if the Patriots are 13-2 and already clinched home field, I need Brady to play week 17, it's the championship in my fantasy league!
Yes ladies, these are real thoughts men have surrounding fantasy football, don't judge us.
Back to the NFL.
I truly believe this is going to be a great NFL season. There's so many storylines, Peyton Manning's return, the craziness that is Tebow and the Jets, will the Texans take the jump, are the Eagles worth the hype, how good are the Giants, 5 rookie QB's starting. Amazing. Even better, those blessed with the NFL network will not only be able to watch games on Sunday and Monday, but Thursday night as well EVERY week. It's a good thing I dedicated the majority of the last 5 months to my girlfriend because I'll only be available to her Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday (Saturday is dedicated to college football and setting my fantasy football line up).
My NFL Predicitions:
AFC East - Patriots
AFC North - Ravens
AFC South - Texans
AFC West - Chiefs
Wildcard - Bengals
Wildcard - Broncos
NFC East - Eagles
NFC North - Packers
NFC South - Falcons
NFC West - 49ers
Wildcard - Bears
Wildcard - Cowboys (fanboy pick?)
That's all I'm going with. It's been awhile since I've posted (like 5 months), but now Man Season is back, so you can expect a lot from me until I go back into hibernation in April.
Long, Live, Sports
This next paragraph is delegated to the ladies that read my blog. Men play fantasy football, we don't expect you to understand it, just humor us in our discussions on topics such as: Why do I continue to draft Ryan Matthews when all he does is burn me? I need Player X to score 2 TD's, but I don't want them to beat my team. I don't care if the Patriots are 13-2 and already clinched home field, I need Brady to play week 17, it's the championship in my fantasy league!
Yes ladies, these are real thoughts men have surrounding fantasy football, don't judge us.
Back to the NFL.
I truly believe this is going to be a great NFL season. There's so many storylines, Peyton Manning's return, the craziness that is Tebow and the Jets, will the Texans take the jump, are the Eagles worth the hype, how good are the Giants, 5 rookie QB's starting. Amazing. Even better, those blessed with the NFL network will not only be able to watch games on Sunday and Monday, but Thursday night as well EVERY week. It's a good thing I dedicated the majority of the last 5 months to my girlfriend because I'll only be available to her Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday (Saturday is dedicated to college football and setting my fantasy football line up).
My NFL Predicitions:
AFC East - Patriots
AFC North - Ravens
AFC South - Texans
AFC West - Chiefs
Wildcard - Bengals
Wildcard - Broncos
NFC East - Eagles
NFC North - Packers
NFC South - Falcons
NFC West - 49ers
Wildcard - Bears
Wildcard - Cowboys (fanboy pick?)
That's all I'm going with. It's been awhile since I've posted (like 5 months), but now Man Season is back, so you can expect a lot from me until I go back into hibernation in April.
Long, Live, Sports
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Please don't call me "African-American"
I am not an "African-American." In fact, I hate the term "African-American".
Somehow that became the acceptable term for black people in America because the words nigger and negro just wouldn't do. Wikipedia defines an African American as "citizens or residents of the United States who have at least partial ancestry from any of the native populations of Sub Saharan Africa". Why does America find it necessary to define only one set of people's ancestry? That definition says nothing about color, but if you are American, and from South Africa, but happen to have white skin, what does America call you? Not African-American.
Caucasians are just called white, not German American, English American, Scottish American, Italian American, etc. Typically, only 1st generation descendants will go by those terms, yet I can go back my family ancestry for six generations and find nobody from Africa yet. In fact my great-great-great grandfather was a white man, does that mean anything? No. Why? Because as much as America likes to try to deny it, people are placed in these ethnic groups due to the color of their skin. I would love to see the census for every "white" person of African descent and see what boxes they check.
If I was truly an African American, I or my parents would have been born in Africa. I know plenty of true African Americans, what do people call them? African. Are they not Americans? It's a travesty that this takes place. I have never been to Africa, neither has anyone in my immediate family. I would love to go, but how am I supposed to claim something that I have never seen? It's a slap in the face of true African Americans.
America, since we love color so much, let me put it simply. If white/Caucasian Americans of German, English, Scottish, Italian, etc. descent are referred as simply American or White American, then black Americans of African descent should be referred to as simply American or Black Americans.
Why does this happen only in America? You know what people call black English people? English. Black french people? French. But black Americans are ??? African-American? Nationalities and ethnicity's are not the same thing...unless you live in America. Why do people not realize this? America! It's OK to call me black. If everyone in America was referred to where their family came from prior to America or where the family was in the 1800s, we'd have a lot more "Inset Here - Americans".
Somehow we found it ok to just to pinpoint one ethnicity and separate them from the rest. How is that ok America? I cannot claim being an African America, because I am not one. I am an American, and if color is a requisite, a Black American.
Somehow that became the acceptable term for black people in America because the words nigger and negro just wouldn't do. Wikipedia defines an African American as "citizens or residents of the United States who have at least partial ancestry from any of the native populations of Sub Saharan Africa". Why does America find it necessary to define only one set of people's ancestry? That definition says nothing about color, but if you are American, and from South Africa, but happen to have white skin, what does America call you? Not African-American.
Caucasians are just called white, not German American, English American, Scottish American, Italian American, etc. Typically, only 1st generation descendants will go by those terms, yet I can go back my family ancestry for six generations and find nobody from Africa yet. In fact my great-great-great grandfather was a white man, does that mean anything? No. Why? Because as much as America likes to try to deny it, people are placed in these ethnic groups due to the color of their skin. I would love to see the census for every "white" person of African descent and see what boxes they check.
If I was truly an African American, I or my parents would have been born in Africa. I know plenty of true African Americans, what do people call them? African. Are they not Americans? It's a travesty that this takes place. I have never been to Africa, neither has anyone in my immediate family. I would love to go, but how am I supposed to claim something that I have never seen? It's a slap in the face of true African Americans.
America, since we love color so much, let me put it simply. If white/Caucasian Americans of German, English, Scottish, Italian, etc. descent are referred as simply American or White American, then black Americans of African descent should be referred to as simply American or Black Americans.
Why does this happen only in America? You know what people call black English people? English. Black french people? French. But black Americans are ??? African-American? Nationalities and ethnicity's are not the same thing...unless you live in America. Why do people not realize this? America! It's OK to call me black. If everyone in America was referred to where their family came from prior to America or where the family was in the 1800s, we'd have a lot more "Inset Here - Americans".
Somehow we found it ok to just to pinpoint one ethnicity and separate them from the rest. How is that ok America? I cannot claim being an African America, because I am not one. I am an American, and if color is a requisite, a Black American.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
SportsTown USA? Can you say MIA?
Sports Town USA is officially... Miami.
You heard me, Miami. The city of sun, south beach, the art-deco design, the funky peach/orange, teal colors, Little Havana, the home of the Hurricanes, Heat, Marlins, and Dolphins is officially Sports Town USA.
Yes, I know St. Louis is the home of the world series champs, New York is home of the super bowl champs, and Dallas is home to the NBA champs. St. Louis has nothing else, good luck getting the Rams to win another championship. New York always has the Yankees, but it also has the Mets... Dallas has the Rangers and the Cowboys, the Rangers have a shot at a championship, but the Cowboys? I'm a fan and I know that they don't have a chance anytime soon.
So why Miami? It's the hottest place in sports right now. The Heat will be odds on favorites to win NBA championships the next 3 years, The Dolphins, well, if they get Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne (I think they will), they become super bowl contenders. Manning a QB, Reggie Bush/Daniel Thomas back field, Jake Long and a solid O-line, Cameron Wake and a solid D, Brandon Marshall and Reggie Wayne? That's a more talented team than Peyton EVER had in Indianapolis and he led them to two super bowls, one win. The Miami Marlins just picked up Jose Reyes and Marke Buerhle, have some young prospects in Mike Stanton, they still have Hanley Ramirez. That's a promising team.
The challenger to Miami's reign? New York of course, the Knicks stand a genuine shot of being a legit contender if Amare can turn back into 2006 Amare and Melo and Lin can get along. The Yankees are always among the best teams in baseball and can win a World Series any year. The Giants can sneak up and win one when no one expects it.
The wild card to Miami's reign? Detroit. Yes, Detroit. Home of the Red Wings (NHL's best), the Tigers have potentially the most dangerous line up in baseball (Carbrera, Fielder, Martinez) and have the games most dangerous pitcher (Verlander), the Lions are a nice up and coming team and even in college you have Michigan football on the rise and both UM and MSU basketball teams are highly rated. The problem? It's a Detroit, nobody cares.
Current SportsTown USA rankings:
1. Miami
2. New York
3. Boston
Future SportsTown USA rankings
1. Miami
2. New York
3. Detroit
Of course, if Peyton Manning signs with the Jets, New York automatically shoots to the top of the list. Even if the Dolphins don't land Manning, if they can get a good QB (Matt Flynn in free agency or Ryan Tannehill in the draft) their futures ranking will stay high. The key is the Heat, if they win a title this season or next, it will trump all because of all the fanfare that comes with LeBron. Despite the Giants just winning the super bowl, the Yankees have not won a championship in 3 years (a long time for them), the Mets stink, and the Jets are in turmoil, and thus Miami without a championship in forever still ranks above them.
Am I giving the Heat too much credit? probably, but it's my blog and I can do what I want to.
Tell me how you feel!
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