Into the Darkness. Into the Light.

This has been the roughest summer of my life. I've made numerous changes in my life, many of which I would characterize as one step back and two steps forward.  The problem is when you make a lot of those changes at once, that's a lot of steps backwards.  I've experienced financial trouble, I've had my car break down on me. I've had to experience a frantic phone call from my older sister telling me my mother was in the ER.  I've pushed away people close to me.  I've been frustrated with my jobs (both of them) and made a decision to leave one despite the fact the extra income definitely helps.  The crazy thing?

Summer isn't over yet.

The Best Thing?

I'm smiling through it all.

For so long I have allowed outside factors to determine my happiness, to dictate my stress, to control my life.  I used to say and tell people all the time "control what you can control".  I used to think I believed that, but reality is I never did.  I used the statement to keep others around me calm, but never applied it to myself.  Now? I can't NOT believe it.  It's such a simple statement but carries so much weight.  Things happen in life, you can only control so much.  One thing you can always control: How you react to adversity around you.  Through it all I feel excited for each new day. I have an energy and resolve that will not die.  I have met some amazing people through this journey. Some people for meer moments; others, to be determined.  But even those people that have appeared for moments have left a positive impact on my life and I hope I did the same. The power of people is amazing if you allow it to be.

The saying goes that the sky is darkest before the light and people use that as a saying that things are at their worst before good things come.  This is another thing I used to believe.  Now, I look at it slightly different.  Expecting the light behind the dark is a double edge sword.  On one hand, it's motivational, it provides hope that one is not going through bad times for no reason and that their faith or belief will pay off for them.  On the other hand, what happens when the light doesn't come? or when it takes longer than you hoped?  Does that make the darkness, darker?  or merely make the light, brighter?  The problem with the light after the dark is that we expect it.  We expect that because we are innately good, that the only reason we are going through bad times is so that we appreciate the good.  We make statements like "out of the darkness, into the light". I prefer  to think of it as in dark times, darker times, and even the darkest times, the light is still there; you just have to find it.  It's there, you just have to prepare yourself for it. 

Think back when you were a kid and you when you were going to bed.  When your parents turned off the lights, everything seemed so dark.  But what happens? You adjust to the darkness, next thing you know you can see around your room farely well, look more and you will be able to see in the dark almost as well as you can see in the light.  It's funny, as kids, we had it figured out. Probably why as kids, we never had the stress or adversity we have as adults.  We adjusted to the dark and we found our own light.

Into the Darkess. Into the Light.

Have you ever had an Outer Body Experience?

Have you ever had a surreal moment of clarity?  A moment, or moments of supreme self-reflection and actualization that you came away from it looking at things in a different light than before?

I have had such an experience. It's weird because it was nothing great that led to it.  For those that regularly read my blog you know these past couple months have been very difficult for me.  Everything changed Sunday-Monday.  It kinda came in different acts and I came away from it almost like a new person.  I'm still me, but I'm a more energetic, positive, clear headed version of me.

It all started Sunday. The week before had been one of many particular tough weeks for me.  I spent all day Saturday enjoying the sun, the pool, and margaritas. Sunday was shaping up to be a doozy of day following a very relaxing Saturday; I had an early morning shift at work, two football games in 95 degree heat, and then back to work to close out the night.  Feeling the effects of the prior day, coupled with little sleep and pure exhaustion from the football games in that heat, I went home Sunday afternoon and literally fell out on my floor for a couple hours. I was starving but didn't eat, I was tired but didn't sleep.  I laid there in the floor almost in a trance.  It was in those moments that I had my first moment of clarity.  I saw myself interacting with a lot of people in my life, some were moments I remembered, some were not. Some moments even appeared to be fictitious.  But like many amazing things in life, I failed to understand it and I spent a lot of time trying to.

Part two came Monday night.  I came home from work and went in my room and fell asleep.  I woke up a couple hours later and literally didn't know where I was.  I took some time to get myself together and went the rest of the night like normal.  After going to bed later that night I had the second moment.  I saw those same interactions but from the other persons viewpoint and better yet, I saw how they felt afterwards.  I saw how I've hurt people and it was a numbing experience. It hurt to see the pain I have caused others.  I also saw how indifferent I've made people and wrapping it up I saw the positives I have left in others.

It was the most intense experience I have ever had in my life.  I woke up today dead tired because my mind and maybe even my body was awake half the night with this experience but it is after 1am here and I am still wired and full of energy.  This experience has truly renewed me.  I have a new purpose in life, an incredible focus and energy that I have not felt before.  I immediately looked to spread the new me with others.  I want to have the biggest impact I can have on as many people as I can have it on.  I see things differently than I did 72 hours ago and I still don't think I completely understand it.  The downside is I realize that with change, comes pain.  I feel like I can see around the corner and that I see that this enhanced version of my former self will not be a hit with everyone. Some people want to live in the dark, I want to shine the light. I want to uplift, some don't want to to be lifted.  I know, I have been those other people, but I am not anymore.  I will gain new friends and lose others, and I am OK with that. I had a conversation tonight with three amazing women that each have a different place in my life.  I explained to them what happened and how I feel.  Their reactions varied.  1 was skeptical, 1 was inquisitive, 1 was positive, yet indifferent.  For me, all three provided me with a great conversation and I ended each one on such a high, it was amazing.

A quote I often use or misuse rings so true:

"A person often meets their destiny on the road he took to avoid it" 

- Jean de La Fontaine

Everything I previously feared, I tried to avoid, and it happened. Now I'm different.  I don't even believe in destiny or fate, but I believe everything happens for a reason.  I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am not afraid of it and I will enjoy every moment of the journey I take to get there.

I hope these words find a way to sink in.  My name is Lance Adams and I had an outer body experience.

Words from a Stranger

Had the best conversation with a customer tonight at Best Buy.  It was this mid 40s white woman who came in looking for "something to play music on". We started looking at ipods and mp3 players but she didn't know they cost what they did. I asked her if she had a smart phone and she said "Yea" and should me an android phone that was older than mine, and if you know me, you know that's terrible.  Anyway we proceeded to sit down in the middle of the aisle and I began to walk her through the process.  It turns out that she didn't even have a google account and thus no access to the play store.  I began to sign her up for an account which you could use either gmail or facebook to register for, she had neither...

I told her she was the only person in the world that had neither a gmail or facebook account. She laughed and told me the reason she didn't have one is because she doesn't want the government to have all of her information and monitor her every movement.  She began to tell me how the government knows everything in your home from your purchase history and knows your whereabouts based on data from your purchases and sites like facebook.  She told me that when the economy collapses the government was going to seize all that information.  We kinda talked back and forth on the matter, point counterpoint kind of thing. Then she said this statement: "I hope I don't offend you, but...."

We all know how that goes.

She followed that up with "I don't know if you like Obama or not, but I don't agree with everything he does, particularly passing the acts that allow the government to come into your home and seize you and your possessions without a warrant or anything under the notion of national security."  I told her that she couldn't offend me and that I doubt there has ever been a single person in the world with whom I've agreed on everything with. She said "It's not that I don't like him, it's just that that thing (the homeland security stuff) and the Snowden leaks (Facebook, Apple, Google, Verizon, etc. sharing data with the NSA). We literally sat on the ground in the store for 30-40 minutes talking about the government and the future that is in store for today's youth.  We even talked about economic collapse and the end of civilization as we know it.

The reason I'm writing this post is simple.  Me and this lady disagreed on nearly everything.  But it was probably the best conversation I've had in a long time (not to offend anyone).  It was uplifting and refreshing that two adults could have a conversation around two different viewpoints and nobody get upset or say something out of line.  There have been many things said recently that made me sad and lose hope in humanities ability to literally agree to disagree and move on and still be human beings.  This woman showed me that there's still hope. There are still people out there that can just disagree, and that's OK. We're not always going to agree, but we need to respect each other when we don't.

When we finished our conversation she left the store with a new pair of headphones and a phone where she could download some music and convert CD's over through her computer, she was ecstatic.  The best part was, as she was leaving she said to me "You converted me." I asked what she meant and she just said "You made me look at things in a different light, things I've never thought about. Thank you." and she left.  Here I am literally thinking the same thing and when she said that I was stunned, absolutely stunned.

 I don't even know your name, but wherever you are my customer lady, THANK YOU. You helped restore my faith in people.

Why The Bulls Are Still Better Than The Nets

So, the Nets are the biggest threat to the Heat this upcoming season?

 Really?

Adding two players from a 41-40 team that are closer to a retirement than they are to all-star level play.

The Nets and Knicks are just fighting for homecourt in what is their inevitable first round match up as 4th and5th seeds next season.  Last I checked, the Nets were a 4th seed last year and lost in the first round.  In Game 7.  At Home. Against a certain team that was missing their best player, their 2nd best player played through injury, their 3rd best player was out with injury and their 5th best player was out with injury.  Thank about that for a minute. 3 of their best 5 didn't play and another played hurt.  No Rose, Noah hurt, no Deng, no Hinrich.  Take ANY other team and remove 3 of their top 5 and they don't beat anyone.  This begs the question, did the Bulls just have that much heart? Or were the Nets that heartless?  

Now the Bulls are returning everyone healthy from a team that had the best record in the NBA the previous season when everyone played.  Not to mention we drafted a stretch 4 to spread the court for Rose, one of our biggest weaknesses has been 3 pt shooting.  We replaced Belinelli with Mike Dunleavy (an upgrade on both ends of the court), and we drafted another young, athletic wing that can shoot in case we decide to move on from Deng mid-season or after the season.

Yet, we are led to believe the Nets are the biggest threat to the Heat.


Get out of here. The 3 best teams in the East are Miami, Indiana, Chicago, in any order.  Net and Knicks 4th/5th followed by Cleveland (Yes, Cleveland), Washington,  and Detroit in any order. I know, Cleveland, Washington, Detroit? Yea. Atlanta, Milwaukee, and Boston are trending the wrong direction. They'll all lottery bound.  and I may be a homer here since I live in Charlotte now, but watch out for the Bobcats, they could contend for the 8th seed.

Turning a new leaf?

Those that have been around me know the last couple weeks have been really tough on me, tougher than most of you know. I've had a personal scare that shook me a whole lot more than I let it be known it did. One of those moments that makes you start to look at everything in a different light. I've lost a person that used to always have my back. I've pushed others away that try to have my back.  I've been very reflective and have spent very few time with others instead opting for the gym and the solitude of home.  I've been meaning to write a blog for days now but couldn't quite come to terms with what it is that I wanted to write about. I still can't. I'm sitting at home, on my balcony, watching the storm about to hit.  I've experienced a lot of change over the last year and as I look forward to the coming days, weeks, months, years, I feel like I'm in the process of starting the next phase of my life. I'm looking forward to the people that will accompany this journey with me.

On that note, I am attempting to turn a new page in this chapter in my book of life. Those that know me, know i look at many things from a rational/analytic approach.  This serves me well in some aspects of life but not in others.  A couple days ago, a friend came to me with their concerns and all I did was marginalize and rationalize them.  Last night the same thing occurred with another friend.  I realized I had to change, I had to be more human and less robotic.  It's tough because I've always fancied myself as someone that cares about people but I've always struggled to show people that I care.  The great thing about a blog is that it allows me to get out my thoughts no matter how jumbled they are. I have to admit, this is probably my worst post. Typically I'll write a post because I have thoughts or topics that I want to share my views on. I apologize that this is not one of them.

I think I'm suffering from a severe lack of football in my life. I'm never like this in the fall.

Anyway, since I've strayed from the sports lately, check out my friends blog over at The Sports Travelers.
He's got some good stuff over there, I'll be joining him on his next trip so look for a dual post then. Also, I'm always looking for something to write about. Many things I care to speak on are so overblown in coverage (Miami Heat title, Aaron Hernandez, Trayvon Martin case).  Free me from my writer's block!

- ODAAT. (One Day At A Time)

How Strong are your frienships? How Strong are your relationships?

Today I was thinking how much do the people in your life matter?

I've seen best friends become enemies, family stop speaking, over time people grow closer and people grow apart.  How constant are these relationships that we are developing with each other?  Go back 10 years, where are the people that you would have done anything for?  How many is that still the case?  How many could you not even pick up the phone and call today?  How many would you have no contact with if it wasn't for facebook, twitter, or instagram?  How many of them would do anything for you?

Think about it.

Now think about the people in your life right now that you feel you would do anything for, the people that you would literally die for.  Now fast forward 10 years, will that still be the case?  Now I know no one knows the future, but I do believe that we as people know how to lie to ourselves because it's easier than the truth.  We hold on to friendships and relationships because we don't know what else to do, we don't see a future but we don't want to admit or accept it, but over time the truth of those friendships and relationships come out and are lost.

How strong are your friendships? How strong are your relationships?

Take a step down the rabbit hole with me.  Fast forward 10 years. You are given two cards, each with a name on it. You are given a choice. Of those two names, one will have all their dreams come true, and the other will lose everything they have.

One is the name of someone that you are close to now, your "best friend", "girlfriend", or any number of those that you would do anything for; and the other name is your own.  Would you give up everything so that the people you would do anything for, have everything?

 How strong are your friendships?  How strong are your relationships?

Now think of all the people that you say you would do it, you would give this person everything in their dreams and you would essentially, give up your life for them.  Ask yourself this? What if they were presented with the same option?  Would you be living your dreams thanks to them?  or would they choose themselves?  Does your opinion of what they would change your decision?  Think about it.  Is it selfish to expect those that you would give anything for to do the same? Or is it fair?

There are a number of people that I would truly give up everything if they could have everything and of those people I know there are a number that would not return the favor.  Does it change anything? Hard to say, part of me feels challenged to have the kind of impact on their lives that they would give up everything for me.  Part of me feels that maybe those are the people that in 10 years, I won't be able to pick up and call.  But the biggest part of me feels ok with it.  I can accept that not everyone is built like me, self preservation is a powerful tool.  There are people from 2003 that I would've given everything for that today, I simply wouldn't.  However, I am proud to say that the list of people I would give everything for is a lot larger now than it was then.  I truly believe the relationships that I have built with the people closest to me are lifetime relationships; even if those relationships change over time.

If you're unsure if you're one of those people in my life, that means I know how you would answer the question asked above.  And I'm ok with it.  Call me, I'll tell you if you're on of those people for me and that I don't want you to give up anything for me.  I want you to give up everything,  and I mean everything....................................






for yourself.

If you're willing to bet it all on you, than I am too; that's why I say without a doubt that I would give up everything for those closest to me. 

How strong are your friendships?  How strong are your relationships?

Good Guy Bad Guy

For the second time in two days someone told me I was a good guy and my response was "I wish I wasn't".

The problem with being a good guy is that when people think you're one, you're expected to always be one. You're expected to act a certain way and respond a certain way and if there is ever a time that you don't act as expected, you shatter the image of a good guy. Once that image is shattered, good luck ever getting it back.  Now, I don't mind much how you view me, but I do mind what your expectation of me is. And in that is my problem with being a good guy.  Like I mentioned in my previous blog, I am a lot of thing, some good some bad, but it's the labels of these things that lies the problem. The labels add in the expectation, and in those expectations are the disappointments, the devastation, the bad surprises, the let downs, etc.  It is those reactions once someone breaches their inherent label that ruins everything.

A good guy is not going to be good all the time and a bad guy is not going to be bad all the time.  More often than not, I'm probably a pretty good guy, but like anyone else I'm human and the bad guy is going to come out.  I wish I wasn't the good guy because then it would be ok to be the bad guy occasionally.  It's not that I even want to be the bad guy, I want just want it to be OK to be the bad guy.  I don't put things past anyone and because of that I don't get surprised or blind-sided by people doing or acting in a way that is not "typical".  The honest person is going to lie, the liar is going to be honest. The labels we place on each other is us putting an unfair expectation on that person. Once gained that label, that is who they are to us and we treat them accordingly and anything out of our label takes us by surprise.  Now sometimes, this can have a positive effect but I believe more often than not it leads to the negative.

I had a problem with this. I would put people into different boxes. This is the good girl, the heartless guy/girl, the reliable or unreliable people, the always late person, the person that cares too much about their looks, the person that doesn't care enough. the person that needs attention, the person that is anti-social.  I'm as guilty of anyone for labeling someone and expecting them to conform to MY label.  NO MORE. Why do we expect people to fit into OUR ideas of them? 

Expect Nothing.
Accept what you choose.

- The Bad Good Guy/ Good Bad Guy